What I Wish You Knew About Borderline Personality Disorder

What I Wish You Knew About Borderline Personality Disorder Image via: Unsplash This happened two years ago and honestly, I feel no closer to reaching peace with my condition. As a matter of fact, it took every bone, muscle, and cell of courage to write this article. After all, I am very passionate and serious about mental health and eliminating the stigma associated with it. I was inspired by a friend of mine who created a social media campaign to educate others about Borderline Personality Disorder and decided that my condition was nothing to be ashamed of. Its a part of me. It may not be the best part of me, but Im choosing to turn my struggle into education and support for others forced into silence out of fear of judgment or ostracization. So, buckle your seat belts and get ready to learn more about borderline personality disorder and things that those who have the illness wish you knew. Lets get started. What is Borderline Personality Disorder?   The medical definition of Borderline Personality Disorder is a personality disorder that typically includes the following symptoms: extreme emotional reactions, impulsive behavior, and history of turbulent or unstable relationships. To be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, you must demonstrate at least five of the following symptoms: Distorted and unstable self-image Intense and highly changeable moods Chronic feelings of emptiness and/or boredom Inappropriate, intense anger, and/or issues controlling temper Intense and stormy relationships Extreme and/or inappropriate reactions Impulsive and typically dangerous behaviors, such as drug and alcohol addiction Chronic suicidal behaviors or self-harm Borderline personality disorder got its name in 1938 and the term was used to describe patients who were thought to be between, or on the borderline, so to speak, of psychosis and neurosis. In other words, Borderline Personality Disorder is a very difficult disorder to diagnose and an even harder illness to treat. Image via: Pexels The worst part of Borderline Personality Disorder, besides the symptoms and the occasional inability to separate your emotions from symptoms, is the stigma surrounding it. I can count the number of people who know about my condition on one hand, as a matter of fact. I created this article in the hopes of changing how people view Borderline Personality Disorder, otherwise known as BPD. Its an extremely misunderstood and widely feared condition. One of the first things people ask when I disclose this information is typically Didnt Jodi Arias have that?  or As long as you dont brutally murder me, were cool.  Comments like this are hurtful and made me afraid to have such a serious condition, even though people made those comments in joking. So, lets leave stigma, misconceptions, and judgment at the door. Here are things I wish you knew about Borderline Personality Disorder*: People with Borderline Personality Disorder Arent Monsters Lets get one thing straight right off the bat. Borderline Personality Disorder is not an inherently violent condition. In fact, people with BPD are much more likely to be a danger to themselves than anyone else. Yes, intense anger and other emotions are a part of BPD symptoms, but that doesnt mean that theyre at risk for hurting someone else. The key word of BPD tends to be self-destruction, meaning that those with BPD are more of a danger toward themselves than they are to those close to them. People with Borderline Personality Disorder Feel Things Very Deeply Imagine for a moment if you were born without skin. Imagine how intense every single sensation would be. Now, imagine being punched in the gut. Sounds pretty agonizing, right? Emotionally, people with Borderline Personality Disorder have no outer shell to protect their emotions from triggering events and upsetting news, whether its a breakup or a last minute cancellation. Unfortunately, its easy for someone with Borderline Personality Disorder to interpret any change of behavior as abandonment. Imagine being terrified (like, life or death terrified) of your significant other breaking up with you. You now have some insight into what it feels like to have a BPD brain. People with Borderline Personality Disorder Are Not Manipulative Theres a really horrible myth that people with BPD manipulate others and seek attention for the fun of it. However, there is nothing fun or enjoyable about this condition. Actions that appear to be attention-seeking or manipulative typically originate from fear of separation or abandonment from those that they care about. This behavior isnt malicious in the slightest; rather its an attempt to seek relief from their anxieties about abandonment. People with Borderline Personality Disorder Dont Threaten Suicide/Self-Harm for Attention This is important, so Im going to write it twice. Here we go: Always take suicide threats seriously. Did you hear that? Let me say it again: ALWAYS TAKE SUICIDE THREATS SERIOUSLY. Often, people assume that suicide threats and self-mutilation are attempts to get attention or manipulate others into doing what they want. However, this is not the case. Statistics reveal that 10% of people with Borderline Personality Disorder will commit suicide and many more engage in self-mutilating behavior, like cutting, burning, and more. Even if you feel like someone is holding themselves hostage for you to come to the rescue, you must take any and all suicide threats seriously. Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder Are Not the Same Conditions   A common misunderstanding people fall into is thinking that Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, when this is the furthest thing from the truth. First off, one is a personality disorder and the other is a mood disorder. Both are very different types of mental illnesses.   Bipolar disorder is characterized by alternating episodes of depression and mania that can last for days, weeks, or even months. Borderline Personality Disorder is characterized by mood swings caused by interpersonal conflicts and can last for minutes, hours, days, and weeks. Remember that the abbreviation for Bipolar Disorder is BD, while the abbreviation for Borderline Personality Disorder is BPD. People with Borderline Personality Disorder Are Not All the Same I found a very sweet post on Reddit that someones boyfriend wrote about their girlfriend who was diagnosed with BPD. After scrolling a little further, I found a post that broke my heart. A young man made a post about a new girl he met with BPD and if she would be worth dating. Of course, being the Internet, people had nothing nice to say. Some of the comments that stood out to me were: They dont have personalities. Theyll steal yours and make you fall in love with them.   Run for your life. Shell ruin your life.   Of course, I found these comments to be incredibly painful to read. So, I feel the need to put it out there that  not everyone with BPD is the same.  Sure, there are genuinely cruel people out there, but just because someone has been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder doesnt inherently make them evil or out to ruin your life. As a matter of fact, people with BPD are typically considerate, caring, loving, and loyal people. This brings me to my next point People with Borderline Personality Disorder Are Not Unlovable or Unbearable   Okay, lets be real. Its a challenge to live with or be in a relationship with anyone who has any kind of disorder or illness, whether its mental or physical. While its a challenge, its not impossible to learn how to live and function in a healthy, happy way. So, to call people with Borderline Personality Disorder unbearable, unlovable, or unworthy of love is a strong, not to mention cruel, generalization. Every person is different and has their own set of issues to deal with. People who have Borderline Personality Disorder tend to find success and inner peace with the help of medications, therapy, and DBT therapy. Image via: Unsplash People with Borderline Personality Disorder Can Never Be Cured   This statement is both true and false. With that being said, unfortunately, there isnt a cure for Borderline Personality Disorder, but with the right treatment plan, those with BPD can find peace and happiness. A cure for Borderline Personality Disorder means the ability to tolerate distress and regulate emotions. Someone who has been cured of Borderline Personality Disorder is serious about treatment and improving their situation. There isnt a cure that will make BPD completely vanish, but there are ways to make life enjoyable and worth living nonetheless. I hope that I achieved my goal of educating you about Borderline Personality Disorder and getting rid of some of the myths about the condition. I received my diagnosis of BPD two years ago and Im nowhere close to finding my own cure, but I know with hard work, persistence, and treatment, I will find peace. If you have Borderline Personality Disorder, no matter where you are in your treatment plan, you are strong and you will make it. *These are things that I, personally, wish other people knew about Borderline Personality. Every person with this condition is different in their own way and struggles with different issues. To learn more about Borderline Personality Disorder, check out the following resources: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/borderline-personality-disorder/index.shtml https://www.nami.org/Learn-More/Mental-Health-Conditions/Borderline-Personality-Disorder https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder-bipolar-disorder#1